People I read

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/rejecting-someone-for-including-servant-of-god-on-their-resume-i-cant-do-my-teams-important-work-on-my-own-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31905

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can you reject someone for including “servant of god” on their resume?

I recently saw a question come up somewhere else about receiving a candidate’s resume that included the phrase “servant of god” prominently under their name, with no connection to work experience or job-relevant context. I understand that religious identity cannot be used as the basis for hiring decisions, but can you consider a person’s judgment in including something like that on their resume or must you entirely disregard it?

Technically you should disregard it. I completely get what you’re saying — you wouldn’t be rejecting them for their religion, you’d be rejecting them for their bad judgment in injecting religion somewhere it doesn’t belong — but you risk being on shaky legal ground if you’re trying to split those hairs in court one day. If the person otherwise would be someone you’d advance to an interview, theoretically you should do that and then probe into how well they’ll be able to work respectfully with people with different beliefs. (That said, in my experience the people who include stuff like this on their resumes tend not to be the strongest candidates anyway, even when you remove that.)

2. I’m new, my team is leaving, and I’m alone with super important work that I can’t do on my own

I work part-time for local government in the UK doing a very niche job. My colleagues, Amy and Clara, have been here for 20-30 years. I was brought in, initially temporarily, because new legislation meant the amount of work might be a stretch for two full-timers, but wouldn’t quite justify three. I was made permanent at the start of this year.

About 60% of our work needs to be handled immediately or as close to it as possible, definitely on the day it arrives. 25-30% can be delayed slightly, but there is a 28-day statutory time limit so not by much. The rest is “nice to have” but can be ignored indefinitely. I’m still learning to do parts of the job – when I started, there were no process documents because Amy and Clara had been doing it so long. I’m writing them as I learn.

Unfortunately, Clara had a medical emergency this spring. She’s currently signed off until September, but she may end up being medically retired. Until we know for sure, her job can’t be replaced. Amy and I have been working alone since then and it’s busy but just about manageable. Amy applied for partial retirement for this year, working part-time with a job share coming in to make up the full-time role, but was refused so she will be taking full retirement come September. Her job won’t be advertised until she leaves. That means come September I might be the only one in the department.

I have a couple of energy-limiting disabilities which mean I can’t do more hours and management is aware of this. I had to spend a week alone at the beginning of this month and I’m still recovering from it. There were draining things happening at home as well, but a couple of times I closed my laptop for the day and burst into tears because I was too tired to stand up. Trying to keep up with work that was a stretch for two full-timers in my 21 hours a week will be almost impossible and could lead to a terrible physical crash. I know my boss, River, will support me any way she can. She tried to getting our professional contacts to only call during set hours and either email or leave a voicemail if I couldn’t answer, but they just wouldn’t stick to it. Hiring moves at a snail’s pace so I could be alone for a while. We deal with bereavement so not everyone wants the job, though I love it. I don’t want to drop any balls when we deal with people at the worst time in their lives.

I’m fortunate to have time for us to plan. I know if I ask for any accommodation River will fight to get it for me. I can already WFH whenever I need to. But I don’t know what would help other than more staff sooner. What can I ask for that will help protect my health and keep at least a skeleton of the service running?

There are only two real options that will solve this, and that’s how you should frame it to River: they either bring in more temporary help (like they did with you originally) or everyone accepts that the amount of work being produced will be one-third what it was when there were three of you (or, more realistically, less than one-third because you’re still learning the job). If there are statutory requirements for when things must be handled by, the only option is for them to bring in more temporary help. If they choose not to, that does not mean that you need work yourself to exhaustion to somehow handle an unrealistic workload; what it means is that you need to be very up-front with your management about what will and won’t be getting done and let them decide how to handle that.

Anything else will just be a band-aid on the problem, and not even a very good band-aid.

3. I think one of my employees might be trans — how can I signal support?

I have reasons to think one of my reports might be trans. Without going into too much detail, I discovered this entirely by accident. I went to YouTube looking for streams of a video game I enjoy, and found a small channel was streaming that game. The streamer had their camera on, and I recognized both their face and their voice; but when I know them as, shall we say, Jane, the chat called them Tarzan. The chat referred to them with he/him pronouns, and their bio said that they were called Tarzan and used those pronouns.

I didn’t reveal myself, first because if I were streaming in my free time, I certainly wouldn’t want coworkers to pop into the chat, let alone someone I report to. Then because if they are actually a trans man, and not a cis woman as they present themselves as at work, I wouldn’t want to cause them anxiety by telling them I know.

I believe it’s everyone’s right to reveal their gender identity in their own time, or to not reveal it at all. The company we work for is known to lean on the conservative side, although the workers themselves have progressive views.

There is no reason to fear they could lose their job if they came out; we are not in the U.S. and there are strong laws against such discrimination. However, they could have a multitude of reasons not to come out. At the same time, I assume forcing yourself to be closeted at work would be terrible for your mental health, and I’d like to let them know it’s safe to do so. I’m not sure how to balance “wanting to let them know it’s safe to come out” and “respecting their privacy”. What would you recommend?

Yeah, definitely do not tell them what you found or put them in a position where they have to talk to you about it if they didn’t choose that 100% on their own. However, you can certainly do things to indicate that you’re a safe person and an ally — which could include putting up a rainbow sticker, wearing a t-shirt with an equality message, adding pronouns to your signature, making sure your whole team knows your company offers same-sex partner benefits and trans-affirming healthcare if they do, or so forth (and obviously making a point of speaking up if someone says something bigoted and of not tolerating bigotry on your team).

These are good things to do regardless, because you may have other LGBTQ+ employees on your team who would appreciate knowing you’re an ally.

4. Colleagues complain to me about RTO when I have no control over their area

I work at one of the largest national telecoms. About 2.5 years ago, there was a company-wide mandate for return to office three days a week. The policy, which we all had to sign and was rolled into our yearly code of conduct training, very explicitly called out that there was no proration. If you missed a day because of vacation, holiday, or illness, you still had to go into the office three days a week. How the three days worked was up to each VP, and if the VP didn’t care, their directors would make the decision for their org. My VP has taken the coffee badge approach and as such, my org has a very easy “go into the office three times, stay for a meeting, and then just go home” practice. My VP has also directly call the lack of proration stupid to his boss, who has agreed but is not wasting his time on trying to change that. Other VPs have taken a firmer stance of specific days.

Recently, HR announced that they would be reaching out to every employee and their VP who are under 60% year-to-date in office presence. They will have to get enough in-office days until they are at 60% in office by the end of the year.

My org is spread out across the country in different offices, and I go to a small office where there are a lot of different orgs. One is a small cluster of a back-office team for the customer care team. Their VP has very specific days in office and those who are below 60% will be put on a PIP. The six members of this team have complained heavily about this. Their leadership team is physically located elsewhere but appears to heavily involved with them remotely.

Due to the lack of their leadership’s physical presence, they have targeted their complaints at the senior leadership in the office, although none of us are in their orgs. We have no overlap, oversight, or knowledge on how their org works.

I have suggested telling their manager, their director, or HR their complaints. I have advised them that the policy has said that since day one, and while it hasn’t been enforced, it’s not unknown or a surprise. I know other people in senior leadership have explained this as well.

I got accused of writing their complaints off and not helping them today. Which is true. Do I think their VP is overly strict with the policy? Yes. Is the VP within their rights? Also yes.I have no desire to get involved in this and wouldn’t appreciate the outside involvement from a director not in my department in my org. Besides just repeating myself, is there any other way to handle this? I’m literally just a director in the same physical office space — we say hi at the coffee station.

“Like I’ve explained, I have zero ability to influence this in your org. You’d need to take it the people who can do something about it — your management or HR.”

If you say that a couple of times and the same people keep raising it with you anyway, you might need to just keep saying, “Again, I don’t have any control over this, and it doesn’t make sense to be raising it with me.”

5. How do I network in limited time?

I am currently one of the many federal employees searching for a new position. I have heard of the 80% / 20% rule — that when looking for a job, you should spend 80% of your time networking and 20% applying for positions. However, I never know how to keep in contact with someone new I meet networking other than offering to volunteer for them. As I’m looking mainly in the environmental and climate fields with a lot of nonprofit organizations, this makes sense as an offer. However, I only have a limited amount of time to volunteer and am already involved with multiple organizations! How can I build and continue a professional relationship with people that I wouldn’t have in my current job without making endless offers of my limited time?

Whoa, no! Volunteering is definitely one way to network — and it’s a great one — but it can’t be your default offer to everyone you want to network with or you’d have no time for the rest of your life.

The idea that 80% of your job search should be networking isn’t true for the vast majority of fields. (I do think it’s true in some, but not most.) You should spend some time networking, but you definitely don’t need to aim for it to be 80% of your efforts, or even 50% of them.

Keeping in touch with contacts mostly means checking in periodically, seeing how they’re doing, giving them an update on your own work, helping them out when you can, and letting them know what you’re looking for when you’re searching. With some people, it’s only going to be appropriate to do that once or twice a year and more frequently would be annoying — and that’s okay! You can aim for once or twice a year with most people unless something specific comes up that makes them an obvious person to get in touch with again.

Related:
is networking overrated?
how do I stay in touch with former managers?

The post rejecting someone for including “servant of god” on their resume, I can’t do my team’s important work on my own, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/rejecting-someone-for-including-servant-of-god-on-their-resume-i-cant-do-my-teams-important-work-on-my-own-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31905

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/the-unclassified-gym-clothes-the-risky-use-of-excel-and-other-weird-reasons-youve-been-scolded-at-work.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31871

Last month we talked about the weirdest things you’ve ever been scolded for at work, and here are 15 of the most ridiculous stories you shared.

1. The unclassified materials

I work for a Department of Defense contractor, have a clearance, and once had a two-drawer safe in my office, for storing classified documents. Our security department audited the safe once when I wasn’t around, and left a violation notice – about the (clean) gym clothes and sneakers I stashed in there. Because they were unclassified.

2. The suppository

I get scolded for telling my ex-supervisor in private that the word she meant to use was “depository” and when she told me to create a “suppository” for everyone to use, it didn’t mean what she thought it meant. Oh boy. She went off the deep end. Screamed at me that she knew what she said and she said what she meant, and she didn’t need someone like me correcting her.

She continued to tell people I was creating a “suppository” for everyone to use for another seven weeks.

3. The unprofessional pen choices

I had a performance review where the only area for feedback I was given was that my pen choices (in a software job) were insufficiently professional. In the intervening decades I’ve always tried to have the most unprofessional pen choices possible to live up to that. #scented #glitter #scentedglitter

4. The scrunchies

I have a coworker who will NOT let it go that I don’t match colored hair scrunchies to my outfit. I bought a pack of six scrunchies a while ago, and with a fairly limited color selection I obviously can’t match anything exactly, so I decided to go for completely opposite colors of scrunchies to my shirts to make it a ~creative choice~ instead. She simply will not stop commenting on it in annoyance! She tried to pull me aside for a lecture about how “distracting” it was. She even tried to go to management about it, to which she was told to let it go (she hasn’t).

Obviously, with all the drama surrounding it I mismatch the scrunchies even harder now.

5. The arm movement

I used to work in an adult vocational school for a mother and daughter team who were the most insane types of micromanagers. One day, I was called into the office to watch a recording of one of my lectures from earlier in the week, where I was scolded for where I stood (behind the lectern where my textbook was, and occasionally walking down the middle aisle) and how much I moved my arms. One thought my arm/hand movements were “too much and distracting,” while the other one thought I was too stiff and wooden and needed to move my arms/hands more to “add more visual interest for the students.”

They got so distracted by this argument that they dismissed me and told me that would let me know their decision on appropriate movements in and around the classroom.

6. The Italian baked goods

I spent a week in Italy on vacation, and brought back some Italian baked goods. I brought them to Monday’s staff meeting. My boss scolded me for bringing them in, as they’d be too crunchy and a distraction during the meeting. What WAS I thinking! I withdrew my contribution and spent the next few days enjoying them all myself at my desk.

7. The wedding

I was scolded for not attending my coworker’s wedding. I was not invited to said wedding.

8. The coffee mug

I used my own ceramic coffee mug that I brought from home instead of the disposable paper cups the office supplied. My boss told me this was disrespectful to leadership who was generously paying for the paper cups. She also did not like that I drank my coffee black and was “rejecting” the creamer and sugar that I guess I was also supposed to be grateful for.

9. The geese

I’m an academic librarian and have spent most of my career in library management. At one institution, I supervised our branch libraries and facilities, some of which were off-campus. The largest off-campus facility had a large parking lot with a grassy drainage ditch along the road it was on and a few grassy areas around the light poles. Every spring, a pair of Canada geese would nest somewhere in the parking lot, usually in one of the grassy areas, and stay until their goslings were old enough to fly.

The first spring I was there, the geese build their nest right next to the front door of the building. One parent would tend the eggs while the other one stood guard and charged at anyone who got too close. Canada geese are huge and very aggressive when they’re nesting, plus they hiss like cobras; in other words, terrifying up close. Although the staff put up a big sign warning people about the geese and gave them as wide a berth as they could, getting into the building became an adventure. In some ways, the situation was hilarious; once you got past the goose and into the lobby, the bird would stand in front of the door and glare at you. All of the staff had goose stories and shared tips for getting around them without getting attacked.

I had regular meetings in the building with the staff, one of which happened right after the geese nested. When I got back to campus, my boss asked how things were going at that facility. I said half-jokingly, “We’ve got goose problems.” My boss proceeded to lecture me for a good 10 minutes on how wonderful geese are, how he grew up with geese (presumably on a farm but who knows?), how they would never hurt anyone, how no one better do anything to harm the geese, and on and on. I stopped trying to clarify myself and just stood there dumbfounded. If getting attacked by a giant hissing goose every time you go to the library isn’t a problem, what is?

10. The deadline meeter

I was dinged on a performance review for … completing projects by their deadline. I was told I should always be turning in projects ahead of their deadlines. I said I thought we might have a difference of understanding about the point of a deadline and asked how far ahead of the deadline would be acceptable (so that I could mentally create new ones). She told me she just went by feel.

That was only one of many problems I had with this manager, who was later let go as part of a two person layoff. I inherited her office and her files and of course read my file with great interest. In the back of the folder, she had taped a plain white envelope, and inside the envelope was a list of all the times I had ever missed work with my stated reasons in quotation marks like I’d made them all up. Easily verifiable stuff like “car ‘hit a deer’ and needs to be ‘inspected for safety.’”

Note: I regularly worked 60-80 hour weeks in this job and had four weeks of leave time paid out when I eventually left, so I think it’s fair to say I did not have an absentee problem.

11. The aggressive greeter

I got written up for saying “hi” too aggressively.

12. The risk manager

I was scolded for being a “no person” instead of a “yes person.” My job title literally had “risk manager” in it, at an organization that served children doing potentially risky activities.

I’m sure it’s annoying to have a no person around if you’re a yes person, but my job was to be the no person *so everyone else could be yes people* and no one would die.

13. The risky use of Excel

Using Excel to work out averages, minimum, and maximum values from a spreadsheet got me growled at publicly by a former manager.

Apparently Excel is not reliable (!) and using a calculator is more accurate. I had thousands of data points from testing an oven so the probability of an error was high whereas Excel would be accurate. 100% accurate.

So I had to spend three days pretending to use a calculator to satisfy this manager. I worked from home and spent one day in the cinema instead.

14. The pencil sharpener

I bought a pack of pencils for my kids and brought them to work to sharpen them using the electric sharpener. My coworker kept saying, “You’re using the company’s pencil sharpener to sharpen your own pencils?!?” She was in shock!

15. The headline

When I was a young newspaper reporter for a very small daily, I regularly walked through the back shop where pages were pasted up to get to the break room. One day, I saw a front page being built by the printers that had a six-column headline about a local official who evaded a mugging: “Water Board president beats off attackers.” I laughed and then thought to mention to the city editor that we’d probably sell out the edition, although not for the reasons he might think. He grudgingly re-wrote the headline, but at my six-month review, reprimanded me for having a dirty mind.

The post the unclassified gym clothes, the risky use of Excel, and other weird reasons you’ve been scolded at work appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/the-unclassified-gym-clothes-the-risky-use-of-excel-and-other-weird-reasons-youve-been-scolded-at-work.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31871

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/can-i-be-fired-for-refusing-to-use-ai.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31650

A reader writes:

I am a senior manager at my workplace. In the last year, some of my colleagues have adopted AI for what I think are quickly becoming normal office uses — summarizing meeting notes, etc.

We were recently told that every report we file should include a summary, which we can write manually or use a specialized generative AI tool to produce. I’m not a Luddite, I love technology … just not this technology. I have ethical objections to the use of generative AI for a lot of reasons — its frequent inaccuracies (in my field, there have been some pretty embarrassing, high-profile AI goof-ups), the way it’s being pushed on us everywhere, the baked-in racial bias and horrendous environmental cost, and, of course, the likelihood that it will ultimately replace almost all of our jobs. And surely there’s a value in producing your own work — particularly, the thought process of digesting and understanding meaning — even in seemingly menial work like summarizing a report or a meeting?

Thus far, I have not been told that I must use AI. I have been clear with my boss and my fellow senior managers that I have these ethical objections, and have urged them to consider their own use carefully. No one thinks I’m nuts — reactions have ranged from mildly annoyed to agreement in principle — but no one objects as strongly as I do. The general attitude seems to be that it’s going to happen whether we like it or not, so there’s either no point in objecting, or that we have to learn to use it for our own advantage. We’re already short-staffed, and I imagine few of my colleagues are willing or able to take on additional work when an AI tool will do it for them. I understand and sympathize with this position.

If the use of generative AI becomes more widespread (which is really a “when,” not an “if”) and I am told that I have to use it, what are my options? Can I be required to use a tool with which I have sincere ethical problems? Unlike a lot of workplace objections, my refusal to use AI creates more work for me, not less, which I’m okay with, but as generative AI proliferates in the workplace, I can also see a potential future in which it’s simply not sustainable for me to manually do the work others are using AI to complete. Could I be fired for not using AI? Could I be fired for not meeting goals that de facto require use of AI to reach? As a senior manager, what’s my responsibility to push back on something that I strongly feel is deeply problematic?

Yes, your employer can legally order you to use AI in your job and could legally fire you if you refuse to.

The exception to that might be if you had a sincerely held religious belief objecting to its use, but that’s not the situation. (Is it anyone’s situation? It would be interesting to see. Even then, though, if your religious belief prevented you from doing the essential functions of your job, even with accommodations, you could ultimately be fired over it. They’d probably have to let you avoid AI for minor things — like, say, note-taking — but if it took over large pieces of your work, they wouldn’t.)

Now, whether or not they would fire you depends on a lot of other things, like how much value you bring to the company, how much standing and respect you have there, and how much refusing to use AI affected your output and outcomes versus other people’s. So far it doesn’t sound like you’re anywhere near that happening. But could it change in the future? Yes.

The question about what your responsibility is to push back on something you find deeply problematic is harder. I’d argue that you nearly always have an obligation to push back on something you find deeply unethical, particularly as a senior manager. But man, it feels like the horse is out of the barn on this one, and I just don’t know that you’re going to make much headway.

Your best bet is to make work-based arguments against its use when you can. You’re unlikely to win on the ethics (as right as you may be), but you’re better positioned to win on things like “this is producing an unacceptable error rate” or “we’re suffering in X ways because human judgment wasn’t applied here” or so forth.

The post can I be fired for refusing to use AI? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/can-i-be-fired-for-refusing-to-use-ai.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31650

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/very-kind-security-guard-is-driving-me-insane-reheating-fish-in-the-office-microwave-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31901

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Very kind security guard is driving me insane

My legal nonprofit shares a building with 3-4 other organizations. We lease 50% of the building (spread across three floors), and the rest split the remaining space. Building management recently hired a new security guard with an odd habit: he will sometimes stand directly next to the entrance door, and hit the automatic door button when someone approaches.

I assume he views this as being courteous/opening the door for people. The problem is that the automatic door opener is VERY slow, and once the button is pushed you have to wait for the door to open (it can’t be pulled open manually to speed up the process). It is driving me insane! I am often rushing in and out of the building to court, and when he does this I have to stand and wait to go through the door. I have had to stand outside in the rain, or in the blazing 90 degree sun, as we both watch the door slowly creak open.

I’ve explained to the guard that I appreciate the gesture, but that it actually slows things down quite a lot and I’d prefer to just open the door on my own. He smiled and said “yeah, okay,” but this has had no effect. If he sees me approaching, he will sometimes rush to hit the door button before I can get to the door. Is there anything else I can do to put a stop to this? Is there a way to be more assertive, without being rude to a very kind man?

I was wondering if his management might have instructed him to open the door for people and he feels he can’t overrule that, but you said he only does it sometimes … so that may not be the case.

In any case, since you’ve asked him to stop and he’s continued to do it anyway, you could try asking him once more. If last time you framed it more as “you don’t need to do this,” try framing it as “please do not do this” — it’s a subtle but real difference. Sometimes people take “you don’t need to do X” as “don’t feel obligated to do X if you’d rather not” and you need to spell out more clearly that you actively want them to stop doing X. So: “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear last time, but please do not open the door for me. It makes it take a lot longer to enter since the automatic opener is so slow.”

If that doesn’t work, talk to the building management — not to get him in trouble, but framed as “I think he intends to be helpful, but it’s making things much less convenient, could you ask him to stop?”

2. Reheating fish in the office microwave

I’m somewhat new to an office job, and I may have other similar jobs in the future.

You’ve mentioned before that offices can have policies against strong-smelling foods as long as they are enforced appropriately and equally. I also know that when people do not clean up after themselves, the eventual smell that comes from rotting food or dirty dishes is bad regardless of what the food was, and that you can largely eliminate bad smells by just cleaning up after yourself.

The people in my office are good about doing their own dishes, but I’ve heard horror stories from relatives over the years about their workplace lunch rooms. I’ve worked in other non-office settings where people leave takeout food and drink containers sitting around for days. Ew.

So, here’s my question: If someone heated up fish for lunch but was prompt about cleaning up, would that really be so bad? Bacon is extremely popular in most of the US, but also has a strong smell that I personally find repulsive (and probably, so do some vegetarians and vegans, but I rarely hear anyone cautioned against heating up bacon in the office microwave).

It’s a fair question! What smells we consider gross is very culturally influenced, and for whatever reason we as a culture seem to have decided that the smell of cooked bacon is more palatable than the smell of cooked fish.

With fish, the issue is the smell that emanates from it while cooking, and cleaning up promptly wouldn’t affect that. When you microwave fish, the blast of high heat intensifies the fishy odor (this is science!), in a way that American culture tends to find especially unpleasant.

3. Coworker is upset that I talked to her manager about her leaving me half-finished work

I was out of work (scheduled PTO) this last Friday and the person assigned to cover my work left a bunch of half finished tasks for me to do this coming Monday. This has been a reoccurring issue and nicely speaking with her one on one never changed anything.

I reached out to her supervisor and politely asked how to proceed with working on these half done tasks as I didn’t have the info to do them. Her supervisor simply forwarded my email and a lukewarm message about not leaving half done work.

Coworker then emailed me several consecutive times passive-aggressively telling me I should have spoken with her directly to absolve the issue. What do I do now? Do I engage with her directly or continue to deflect to her supervisor?

“Hi! I’ve tried to talk with you about it in the past, but since it’s continued to be an issue I wanted to loop in Jane to see if we can figure out a way to solve it. If you and I can handle it directly ourselves and ensure it doesn’t keep happening when I’m out, that’s great with me — I just want to get it solved.”

Also, the next time you’re going to be out and your coworker is assigned to cover for you, talk to her manager ahead of time and ask if she can proactively make sure your coworker doesn’t do the same thing again.

4. I was the only one stuck working on the 4th of July

I’m writing to you on the 4th of July. My industry’s standard is to work holidays. A few days ago, my team got a surprise notice that our work wasn’t needed, and we could have the holiday.

My supervisor, Craig, told us as a group that he would offer our services to an earlier team, but that my coworkers and I were otherwise free. In these situations, the earlier team’s supervisor almost always tells us we’re good to sign off for the day.

To my surprise, when I clocked in virtually this morning to check, the shift supervisor, Dana, said that I would be working a full day for her team last-minute. I wasn’t thrilled, but what’s really upset me is that I was the only person from my team who ended up working at all. When I followed up with Dana, she said Craig had only offered my services, and that he explicitly told her I was the only person available to work today and that my colleagues Sarah and Mike were not available.

I’m not sure why this would be: last-minute holidays are non-existent in my industry, and my coworkers said as recently as yesterday that they were scheduled for today. I have a positive working relationship with Craig, and thought of him as pretty fair before this, but I know he’s closer to these other coworkers by virtue of knowing them longer.

Am I right to be upset? Is it appropriate to follow up with Craig and ask what happened, or should I let this go? How should I address it? I tend to keep my nose down and not question my supervisor, but I’m pretty upset about being given a holiday, just to have it taken away last-minute.

It’s possible that there’s more to this than you know, like that Sarah and Mike got sick or had last-minute emergencies or had some other legitimate reason for not being available and that by the time Craig talked to Dana that morning, you were indeed the only person who could work.

Regardless, it’s reasonable to ask Craig about it. Just don’t be confrontational; go into the conversation assuming there might be something reasonable you don’t know about, not that you were intentionally screwed over. For example: “Can I ask you about what happened on the 4th of July? I had thought Sarah, Mike, and I were all available to other teams if needed, like normally happens on holidays, but then Dana said she was told I was the only person available that day. Did something change in how we’re handling holidays?”

5. Should I opt out of having my resume screened by AI?

I recently saw this disclaimer (copied below) on a job I was applying for. There was a box to check to opt out of having your resume reviewed by AI, but I decided not to check it because I didn’t want to potentially ding myself, but I’m curious if you or your readers have any experience with how opting out might impact an application.

“This employer may use an artificial intelligence algorithm to provide an initial comparison of an applicant’s education, experience, and skills against the education, experience and skill requirements in the job description. This analysis produces a Profile Relevancy score, which is intended to be one of many factors that a potential employer will review in making its interview decisions; there are no cut off scores and all applications are visible to employers. The Profile Relevancy score for applicants who opt out will be listed as ‘Not Available.’”

They’re offering to let you opt out because some jurisdictions require that companies using AI in screening notify applicants and allow them to opt out from it (and more states are considering similar laws). No score isn’t the same as a low score, and opting out is unlikely to ding you (at least for now).

That said, I’m not so sure it’s any different from the automated systems some companies have been using to process applications for years now. I’d be much more inclined to opt out of an actual interview with AI (which is a thing that is starting to happen in this dystopian hellhole).

The post very kind security guard is driving me insane, reheating fish in the office microwave, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/very-kind-security-guard-is-driving-me-insane-reheating-fish-in-the-office-microwave-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31901

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/do-i-have-to-answer-questions-from-my-company-after-i-leave.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31983

A reader writes:

I am retiring after 35 years with my company. I was fed up after seeing others get promoted or hired in above my pay without the same experience.

I gave them 10 weeks’ notice because no one else can really do my job. I do have a coworker who does similar work part of the time, but only for about a third of their work. Plus, while that person has been working with me for the past four years, they have never really taken it seriously and learned everything they should have.

Now that it’s close to my last day, my colleagues – mostly coworkers, but also my manager – are asking if they can contact me after my last day to ask questions about the projects that I’ve been the one responsible for up until now. I don’t want them to. I want to leave and make a clean break.

A complicating factor is that I’m friendly with some of these coworkers, both in real life and on social media, which makes me think I’ll have a hard time not answering them. Really, I’d like to block everyone’s numbers after I leave, but that seems so rude.

Any advice on how to handle this? A former coworker who retired three years ago still gets questions and I don’t want that!

You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it.

The post do I have to answer questions from my company after I leave? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/do-i-have-to-answer-questions-from-my-company-after-i-leave.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31983

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/how-do-i-step-back-from-a-friendship-with-an-intensely-negative-and-argumentative-coworker.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31810

A reader writes:

I’ve been working at a university library for a little over a year now and have had a hard time making friends. Shortly after I started, I befriended a coworker, “Morgan,” who is also relatively new, and it has been nice getting to know them and commiserating about how hard it is to make friends in a new city and workplace.

Over the course of our friendship, Morgan has opened up more and more about the interpersonal problems they’ve had with our colleagues. They describe scenarios where collaborative projects get stalled because other stakeholders stop communicating with them, coworkers they were getting lunch with on a weekly basis suddenly stop responding to chats, and other frustrations with navigating bureaucracy that interferes with their work. It’s hard to tell if Morgan is becoming increasingly disgruntled or if they are now very comfortable with telling me their unfiltered feelings.

I’ve also had to navigate some fairly horrendous problems as a new employee, so it’s been nice to have a coworker who understands and sympathizes with our (somewhat) dysfunctional workplace culture. Morgan has made it very clear to me that they are only here for the time being and have already decided that this is not the city they would like to stay in long-term. Personally, I want to retire here and have worked very hard to improve my situation. It feels very different for me today than it did a year ago, which is why it’s become increasingly difficult to navigate Morgan’s constant negativity.

Morgan can be a lot of fun to talk to, but they’re in an increasingly bad mental space at work. They frequently come to my office to gripe for an hour or two in spite of how busy I am; I’m always actively working and trying to concentrate when they pop into my office. To my fault, they ask if it’s a good time to chat and I always say yes because they’ve been so hurt by our coworkers pulling away and I’m afraid of upsetting them. On top of this, they’ve become increasingly argumentative with me when they’re looking to talk. Again, I would say this is my fault because they are looking to vent and I’m always trying to provide solutions, so I think it’s taken as invalidating Morgan’s feelings.

Morgan is in such a bad mental space at work that seemingly any type of feedback or dialogue that they disagree with comes off as an attack. One of the issues they’ve had with multiple colleagues is that they invalidate Morgan’s feelings. Morgan has described situations where they complained about something to a colleague and rather than agreeing with and consoling Morgan, they essentially said to look on the bright side. For example, Morgan was upset about a change made to their office and the coworker responded with, “At least you have your own office.” Morgan has many examples of conversations like this and cites it as a workplace culture issue. In addition, Morgan holds on to comments like this (that took place months and months ago) and often refers back to them as examples of how bad things are. At this point, I am very afraid of upsetting Morgan because I like them, and their hyper-sensitivity is a bit triggering in light of all the reparative work I’ve done for my position and unit.

One more detail about Morgan that I think plays a factor is their odor. Morgan has a strong mildewy smell wherever they go. The odor fills a room and I can often tell if they’ve recently been in a space because of the smell. I believe Morgan maintains good hygiene practices, but that they are unaware of the fact that a lot of their clothing has developed a pungent mildew odor. Depending on how strongly they smell, it can be very difficult to spend extended periods of time with them. I’ve avoided spending time with them outside of work, like inviting them to my home, because the smell is so off-putting and am wondering if it has contributed to their interactions with coworkers.

How do I take a step back with Morgan without further inciting them?

I don’t think “without further inciting Morgan” is the right goal! The right goal is to treat everyone reasonably and respectfully while not letting them trample your boundaries or your time and energy.

It seems like you’re navigating your friendship with Morgan from a position of fear more than anything else — fear of inciting them, upsetting them, or making them feel challenged (to the point that you’re spending one to two hours at a time letting them vent when you’re supposed to be focused on your work).

Obviously it’s good to avoid upsetting people when you can, but when someone is going to be upset by your completely reasonable behavior, that’s on them, not on you. You like Morgan, but the relationship relies on you tiptoeing around to avoid setting them off by … doing your job? Being honest about where you see things differently?

Interestingly, at the same time that you’re prioritizing Morgan’s feelings above your own needs, you’re actually not treating them very respectfully! You’re misleading them about what you think and secretly resenting the time you’re spending with them, without setting the boundaries that could allow you to actually enjoy your time talking with them. Imagine if the roles were reversed; you’d probably be a bit mortified if you found out that someone you thought was a friend was secretly frustrated with you but continued to let you go on obliviously doing the things that were annoying them. I want to stress that I’m not saying that to blame you — you’re already blaming yourself far more than you should be — but to point out that your current framework for the relationship isn’t serving either of you well.

It’s probably worth digging into how you’ve gotten here (in particular, whether you have a pattern of people-pleasing tendencies that subvert your own needs), but let’s talk practical steps.

First and foremost, stop telling Morgan you’re available to talk when you’re actually busy. Morgan is asking if it’s a good time to talk! Take advantage of that and respond honestly: “Actually, no, I’m on deadline right now” … “I’m swamped today, hopefully later this week!” … “Sorry, can’t, need to focus on what I’m working on” … etc. These are all very normal things to say in an office. If you’ve literally never set those boundaries with Morgan before, you might feel a little awkward about it at first, but — again — these are normal things to say while you’re working. If it helps steel your resolve, remind yourself that at some point your boss or other colleagues are likely to notice you spending one to two hours at a time socializing instead of working and it’s not going to look good.

If Morgan is upset that you’re not as available anymore, that’s okay. You’re at work to work. If it helps, you can say something to explain it — like “I’ve realized I’m spending way too much time socializing and I’m worried my boss is noticing,” “I’m slammed lately, can’t spend as much time talking as I used to,” “I’m finding it rough to spend so much time on the negative parts of working here; for my own mental health, I can’t spend so much time complaining,” or whatever you’re comfortable saying.

If Morgan has feelings about you setting boundaries on your time, that’s something they’ll need to work out on their own. You don’t need to apologize or feel bad for needing to focus on your job or putting limits on your own emotional energy.

It sounds like you’re worried that if you set these boundaries, Morgan will lump you in with everyone else who has “invalidated their feelings” (by having a different perspective than they do) or who has pulled away from them. And they might! You can’t control that. But you’re not doing them any favors by handling them with kid gloves. Behave reasonably, expect other people to respond reasonably, and if they don’t, accept that that’s theirs to work through. It’s not your responsibility to insulate Morgan or anyone else from reasonable actions.

Last, the odor! Mildew is actually one of the easiest odors to address because it’s less personal than trying to address body odor. For whatever reason, “Oh, I think that coat might smell mildewy” tends to feel less like a personal critique. Any chance you’re up for mentioning it? It’s not your job to do that with someone who has already demonstrated they’re prone to feeling attacked — but it would be a kindness if you’re willing to.

The post how do I step back from a friendship with an intensely negative and argumentative coworker? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/how-do-i-step-back-from-a-friendship-with-an-intensely-negative-and-argumentative-coworker.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31810

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/receptionist-makes-loud-sound-effects-all-the-time-coworker-is-sticking-me-with-all-the-weekend-work-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31860

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker makes loud sound effects all the time

At what point is something a legitimate distraction rather than a pet peeve? At my job we have an open concept office and only managers have offices while everyone else sits in the open space with little privacy, meaning everyone can hear everyone.

Our receptionist makes loud … sound effects all the time. For example, every yawn is a FULL BODY experience complete with a cartoonish exaggerated yawn/yell. When she gets frustrated that her computer is running slowly, she lets out a groan/whine. (I cannot think of a better way to describe this other than the sound little kid makes when they don’t get their way.) This is not constant by any means, but the yawn thing is several times a day and every time it sends my blood pressure rising.

Is this something that I can reasonably say something to her about? Often after a particularly loud yawn/yell, I will ask her if she is okay. Normally she will just say yes, she is okay, just tired. Is it too much to ask that bodily sounds be kept to a minimum? This seems not to bother others as much as it does me and miraculously doesn’t happen as much when the big bosses are around.

You could try: “I’m sorry to ask, but is there any way you can keep those noises down? I jump every time you do that.”

There was also this resolution from someone with a similar problem.

And a general PSA for everyone: if coworkers are asking if you’re okay whenever you make a particular noise and this happens repeatedly, there’s a good chance they’re hinting that they’d like you to stop.

2. My coworker decided to stick me with all our weekend event work

My coworker and I make up a two-person team that manages community programs for our county. Overall the job has a great work-life balance but over a 3-4 month season we have 5-6 weekend events with long hours. It’s pretty tiring but our boss gives us time off before or after these events to rest.

A few months ago, my coworker shared that she felt like the event work wasn’t being evenly split. I privately felt this was unfair, but I worked with her to make things more balanced. She also admitted that she was getting a lot of burn-out from an optional but job-related class. She had actually wanted us to take the class together but I said that it would be too much with the events.

A few days before our last event of the season, she told me she “didn’t want to do it” and that she wasn’t going to do long event hours anymore. Our supervisor, without involving me, told her that not working overtime at events was fine. At this event we had a miscommunication and she thought we would only be at the event on Saturday. The schedule ended up being a four-hour Saturday shift for her and I worked long days Friday/Saturday/Sunday.

As far as I know, she doesn’t have a disability or familial reason. She is capable but drained. We both have anxiety/mental health things so I want to be respectful, but I am also exhausted and becoming resentful. The job otherwise has great work-life balance, and I feel that the event schedule is a stressful but manageable part of the job.

I feel like she managed her time poorly with her optional class and didn’t prioritize the mandatory parts of the job. Plus, her expectation that we would only be at one day of a two-day event is, to me, a sub-standard job. I sense she feels she is setting up a boundary and I’m not respecting it and creating a bad work environment. But I feel abandoned and like she isn’t committed to the job, and that it’s disrespectful to think a few long event days is unreasonable in an otherwise good workplace.

How do I tell to my supervisor that it is unrealistic for my coworker to not work overtime for events? How do I tell my coworker that this isn’t an unreasonable schedule and I can’t do this by myself?

You shouldn’t be in a position of needing to convince or cajole your coworker to split the work evenly. Instead, you should talk with your boss and say you’re not able to take on more than your half of the weekend event hours, that the last event where your coworker worked four hours and you worked long hours three days in a row was exhausting and unsustainable, and it’s not something you can do going forward.

If you’re nervous about drawing that boundary, realize that it was apparently very easy for your coworker to make a much bigger demand and have it accepted!

It sounds like this might be less of an issue next season, if your coworker’s class is over — but either way it’s reasonable for you to raise it now and say this division of labor won’t work for you.

3. What is it appropriate for HR to tell emergency contacts?

Your column about the person whose coworker had a heart attack at work reminded me of an event at my workplace many, many years ago.

A coworker experienced a grand mal seizure at her desk, which was located in a row of desks in an open-plan space. The seizure lasted several minutes (someone had the foresight to time it) and she was unconscious for several minutes after. Of course, we called 911 and notified HR. HR notified her parents, who lived locally and were listed as her emergency contacts.

The coworker regained consciousness before the EMTs arrived, but she was disoriented and didn’t comprehend when the HR rep told her about the seizure and that her parents would meet her at the hospital.

Flash forward to later: she was livid that the company had contacted her parents. I think her rationale was that emergency contacts are supposed to be informed something is wrong and that they need to help, but it’s inappropriate to give the contacts medical information (in this case, the seizure).

She left the company shortly after. I don’t know why or what transpired with HR (rightfully so).

Was she correct that emergency contacts shouldn’t be advised of the nature of a medical incident? It seems unreasonable, but what does the law say? (We’re in the U.S., if that’s matters.)

U.S. law doesn’t prevent employers from sharing medical info with an emergency contact (unless the employer happens to be a health care provider, in which case HIPAA would likely be in effect — but HIPAA doesn’t apply to most non-health-care employers).

In many cases there’s no way to contact an emergency contact without explaining a bit about what’s going on. And really, just saying “she’s being taken to the hospital and you should meet her there” would be far more alarming in a lot of situations than just explaining the basics.

In general, people should assume that if they have an emergency at work and their emergency contact is contacted, info about what happened may be provided. If someone doesn’t want that, they need to say it explicitly at the time when they provide the contact info (“please do not release details about any medical situation to X; contact them only for ABC”).

4. Should I use one of my few personal days to travel for an interview when I might not get the job?

I have been interviewing for a position that is mostly remote but would require some travel to a central office a few times each year. My interviewers told me that they would like to bring finalists out to this location to meet the staff in person. I have very few personal days in my current position and don’t love the idea of using one (or maybe even two) of them to travel for an interview if I’m among a few finalists and there’s still a good chance I won’t actually get the position. I would only have 1-2 days left after that until next summer, which would make things difficult this coming year if I had to stay at my job.

At the same time, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m not as committed as other candidates, and I worry that even if the organization accommodated my position, they might still end up going with someone else just because of the merits of these in-person interactions. I will find out if I made it to this round in a couple of weeks and am feeling nervous about what to do if I am invited to continue. What do you think?

If you’re seriously interested in the position, you probably need to take the day(s) off to travel there. It’s still pretty common for employers to want to meet candidates, particularly finalists, in person before hiring them, and declining to do it is likely to put you at a disadvantage unless you’re already head-and-shoulders above the other finalists. That said, you could definitely ask for a date where you’d only need to take one day off rather than two (like by doing it on a Monday or a Friday so your travel day is on the weekend).

5. We’re supposed to complete our self-evaluations on our own time

Just got this notice from HR: “Annual reviews season is upon us! This is a friendly reminder to please complete your self-evaluation form in the Intranet on your own time by August 1.”

I’ve never been asked to do my self-eval off the clock in any other position. This is my first review season with this organization. The request to do this on my time gives me major ick.

If you’re non-exempt, this is illegal; they have to pay you for the time.

If you’re exempt and aren’t paid for overtime, there’s less of a distinction in terms of pay, but you could still ask your boss why you’re being told to do a work task on non-work time.

The post receptionist makes loud sound effects all the time, coworker is sticking me with all the weekend work, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/receptionist-makes-loud-sound-effects-all-the-time-coworker-is-sticking-me-with-all-the-weekend-work-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31860

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/should-i-tell-a-candidate-her-career-aspirations-are-unrealistic.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31581

A reader writes:

I am currently in the process of hiring for a position that I would consider just above entry level. It is a role in an operations department that supports an organization in a very “glamorous” industry.

Today we interviewed a great candidate who has the right education, experience, and personality to be a real success. Unfortunately, in answer to our question about career aspirations, she answered that she hoped to use the position to get a foot in the door to the more “glamorous” side of what we do. It’s great she was honest, and if that’s what she truly wants then I wish her all the very best. But … while it’s not impossible, it’s definitely a one in a million shot for her. Her education and experience mean that she’s highly unlikely to ever even get an interview, let alone land a position. In 25 years in the industry, I’ve seen it happen only once, by what I can only call stealth, if not outright deception, and frankly that was not a success. To top it off, working with us isn’t going to give her the type of experience or leg up she obviously thinks it will.

I fully intend to let her know that if that’s what she truly wants this isn’t the role for her, but is there any value in explaining that her likelihood of success in her goal is so small, and that people with far more education and experience than her are struggling to find even entry-level roles in that side of the industry? Would I just be crushing her dreams for no reason?

I answer this question — and two others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

• How do I avoid being accused of favoritism?
• Should my friend have interviewed me if she didn’t intend to hire me?

The post should I tell a candidate her career aspirations are unrealistic? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/should-i-tell-a-candidate-her-career-aspirations-are-unrealistic.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31581

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/coworker-acts-like-my-manager-marketing-team-replaces-my-writing-with-bad-ai-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31856

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My peer keeps acting like my manager or mentor — but I’m better at my job than she is

I’m a junior attorney. One of my colleagues, Fergusa, has the same title as me and started around the same time, but came into the role with a few more years of legal experience, so she is in a slightly higher pay band. Other people with our title have anywhere from 1-10 years of experience.

Fergusa and I have a decent relationship, but when she is feeling insecure or having a hard time in either her work or personal life, she takes it out on me. Sometimes, that means she treats me like her legal assistant instead of her peer. I want to be a team player, and I’m happy to put things in the mail or do similar tasks when she needs extra help. But she often does this even when I’m slammed at work and it makes no sense for her to farm it out to me. For example, I recently spent hours in an emergency hearing, and when I got out, she had sent me a long email explaining how I should do a menial task — something that isn’t normally my responsibility and would have been easier and faster for her to handle herself. After a few days or weeks of requests like this, if I push back at all, she’ll take a new tack: she’ll start giving me tons of advice I didn’t ask for, or ask me to take on large and interesting projects with very short notice, under the guise of it being good for my “development” as a “new” lawyer. Sometimes I take on those projects, and sometimes I tell her I can’t do it.

No matter what, the through-line seems to be that she has decided I am her junior, and she flips between seeing herself as a mentor or just as someone who can take the tasks she doesn’t want to do. But she isn’t my supervisor, and I don’t want her to be my mentor. Frankly, I get glowing performance reviews and I’m really good at my job, whereas I know she’s been coached for poor performance. She’s a smart person and a hard worker, but she doesn’t take feedback well and lets her ego get in the way of her work.

I’m not afraid to tell her that I don’t have the bandwidth to take on whatever work she’s decided should be my responsibility. The thing that bothers me is her attitude and continued insistence — even after working together for three years — that she can impose some sort of hierarchical relationship on me when it suits her. My boss knows that there’s been a little tension in the past, but this all feels too unimportant to bring it to him, and anyway, I don’t know what I’d be asking for — “Can you tell Fergusa to think about me differently?” Should I just keep doing what I’m doing and try not to take it personally? Or is there any way to have a bigger conversation about this dynamic without blowing things up?

Would your boss have your back if you started flatly declining all the legal assistant type work Fergusa tries to assign you? If so, I’d stop accepting any of it, even when you have time to do it — since if some of the time you agree to mail things for her or otherwise do her clerical work, you’re reinforcing that it’s appropriate for her to ask. If you think your boss would support you in declining, decline! From now on if she tries to send you that stuff, say, “I know I’ve been willing to help with this sort of thing in the past, but I won’t be able to keep helping with it because of my own workload.” Or just say no every time and see if she eventually gets the point.

It may or may not be worth addressing the larger pattern by saying something like, “I’ve noticed we’ve fallen into a dynamic where you ask me to do admin work or offer mentoring. We’re in the same job and my understanding is that we should be relating as peers, so I’d rather you not assign me work like that.”

2. Marketing team keeps replacing my writing with bad ChatGPT copy

I work at a small-ish nonprofit. My job involves a variety of tasks including research, supporting customers, hosting events, and creating content (articles and promotion). Our marketing department has eyes on any blog posts and anything promotional before it is published.

Lately, they just delete all my copy and replace it with copy that has been “optimized for SEO.” I am almost sure they are just entering my copy into ChatGPT with a prompt about SEO. I frequently have to update the copy to accurately reflect what we are promoting and even what we actually do at the company. I also hate the way this copy reads. It is full of generic and cliche language. You know, the type of writing that really doesn’t say anything and definitely doesn’t sound authentic. I have generally been accepting their edits because I cannot argue the effectiveness of SEO and trying to get clicks as compared to sounding like an actual human.

However, I’m beginning to get irritated because this is a waste of my time. I enjoy writing and spend time trying to find a phrase that captures what I want to convey without sounding too cliche. I hate having my name listed as the author of articles full of bad writing or signing my name to emails so obviously written by AI. I want to push back, but it sounds accusatory since they’ve never told me they’re using ChatGPT and I worry I will come across as naive for not understanding SEO. Is this the world we are in now? Are we all just writing for computers instead of for humans?

No, it’s not the world we’re in now; if they’re replacing good copy with bad copy, they’re just bad at their jobs. Try pointing out that their replacement copy is frequently inaccurate, and point out specific places it’s become less engaging. Tell them you want to produce what they want and ask if they can tell you what you can do differently on your side to produce copy they’ll accept. If that doesn’t move the needle, talk to your own boss, show examples of how Marketing has edited your copy in ways that make it worse, and ask for advice.

3. Company asked if I feel what happens in my life is because of fate

A few years ago, I applied for a technical/professional position at a company with mostly blue-collar, close-to-minimum-wage employees, many of whom have historically been non-native English speakers and ethnic minorities.

The company is Canadian but has expanded rapidly in the U.S. by buying many smaller American companies, which may be why they asked a question I’m not sure is legal in the U.S.

As part of the hiring process, I had to fill out the same application that the hourly workers complete. There were many questions that required answers selected from agree strongly/agree/neither agree nor disagree/disagree/disagree strongly. One of the statements that required agreement/disagreement was “I feel that what happens in my life is because of fate.”

I know that many people in lower socioeconomic strata feel shut out of meaningful participation in systems that affect them and feel that they are not in control of their circumstances and that “fate” rather than self-determination dictates their lives. My question is whether this question is legal, given that it could serve as a proxy for race/class?

Another (American) company in the same industry that lists appearance requirements for employment (hair must be kept above the collar, no visible tattoos, etc.) also indicates that both male and female employees “must have a full set of teeth,” which I cannot imagine can be legal.

I withdrew my candidacy with the Canadian company because I was offered a job in an area I really wanted to work in, but I still wonder about the legality of questions/requirements that screen out anyone who isn’t at least middle class.

That question is legal. In order for it to be illegal, you’d need to show pretty conclusively that people’s answers correlate with race and it has a disparate impact in screening out some races versus others. I’m not sure it does!

The hair length and tattoo policies are also legal, but the requirement for a full set of teeth is not, unless the job was for, like, teeth models or candy apple testers or something where having all your teeth was a bona fide occupational qualification.

Related:
is it OK for job postings to require a “clean-cut appearance”?

4. My employer wouldn’t let me use FMLA leave, even though I qualified for it

This is a situation that happened with a previous employer, but I’ve learned recently that it’s affecting a current employee.

When I was hired, I was told by the recruiter that employees received “four weeks of leave,” which seemed pretty sweet to me. In reality, after I started working, I found out that those four weeks broke down into two weeks of vacation, one week of sick leave, and one week of what the company calls extended sick leave. Extended sick leave was to be used for absences of three days or more and required a doctor’s note. Both forms of sick leave carried over each year, and healthy long-term employees had hefty extended sick leave balances because any illnesses they had were no more than two days.

After several years at this company, I needed surgery that would have me out of the office for four weeks. I knew that FMLA is unpaid leave, but employers can require employees to exhaust any paid leave they have while using FMLA. So, it was reassuring to have enough extended sick leave in the bank to cover my four weeks’ leave and still have my vacation time left. So, I asked the HR department for the paperwork to submit a request for leave under FMLA.

That’s when things got weird. HR refused to provide me with FMLA paperwork, saying I didn’t need FMLA because I would be using extended sick leave. I said that wasn’t how FMLA works. FMLA provides job-protected but unpaid time; sick leave (or any other form of paid leave available to the employee) is how a person can get paid while they are on what would otherwise be unpaid leave. My HR rep and her supervisor both told me that the company considers its extended sick leave to be job-protected and that the company would never terminate anyone for using it. I responded that company policies don’t have the force of law, and I wanted to use FMLA. (Frankly, at that point, with that employer, for a variety of reasons, I wouldn’t have trusted my immediate supervisor as far as I could throw her and wanted to cover myself.)

I ended up downloading standard government FMLA forms online, had my doctor’s office complete them, and handed them to my HR rep. Let’s just say that she did not receive them with grace and commented negatively on my lack of trust for the company and its policies. “Not a team player” was one of the phrases I remember. I never received any acknowledgement or approval of my FMLA application. My surgery and recovery were uneventful, and I returned to work in four weeks. HR, however, never got over this incident and I had some continued challenges dealing with them until I finally left.

Please reassure me that what I experienced was wrong. I’ve heard from someone that HR is continuing to actively and effectively discourage people from applying for leave under FMLA.

You are right and they were wrong.

It’s great that the company considers its extended sick leave to be job-protected but — as you pointed out — that doesn’t have the force of law and FMLA does, and it’s entirely reasonable to want to be sure you have legal protection in place. What’s more, an employer cannot legally stop an eligible employee from using FMLA; it’s illegal to deny it if the person qualifies under the law. The Department of Labor spells that out very clearly.

5. Can you negotiate severance when you’re accepting a job offer?

My husband was let go this week from his salaried job. He was not let go for any ethical or legal reasons, just a lot of restructuring and the company wanting to bring in a high-profile person to take over much of his work, yada yada yada. He had never been on a PIP and his annual reviews were average. I believe his company has been fair but not generous with his severance package; the only time I have ever involuntarily left a job was when my former employer went bankrupt and I showed up to locked doors and an email one day, so I have no frame of reference with what is normal. We are in the U.S. and have filed all the necessary paperwork for assistance.

My question is, is there ever opportunity to negotiate a severance, and when should it be done? Obviously a terminated employee has no power after let go, but would inquiring during the interviewing or onboarding process be sending the wrong message? Or is this just a situation where you should be grateful for anything you receive? Are there specific legal requirements employers have to meet?

You can sometimes negotiate the amount of severance you’re given when you’re let go, but it depends on the circumstances. If the employer is worried you have any kind of cause for legal action (like that they laid you off right after you asked to take FMLA, for example, or they mishandled your sexual harassment complaint last year), they are often willing to negotiate severance, in exchange for you signing a general release of claims. That can be true even if they don’t think you’d win a lawsuit; they may decide it will be easier and faster to pay severance rather than having to fight a legal battle. You might also be able to negotiate more severance in other cases too, like if you moved for the job and they laid you off two months later. But if there’s nothing like that in play, then you don’t really have any leverage.

But negotiating for severance as part of a job offer isn’t a thing for most jobs; that would require an employment contract, and most employees in the U.S. don’t have employment contracts. There are some exceptions to that, and it’s possible that you could negotiate it if you were particularly senior or had particularly in-demand skills (especially as part of agreeing to leave a secure job for a less secure venture), but it’s not something that’s on the table for most people.

The post coworker acts like my manager, marketing team replaces my writing with bad AI, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/07/coworker-acts-like-my-manager-marketing-team-replaces-my-writing-with-bad-ai-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31856